The Funnies or NOT

I think this section of my 'teaching world' should be about the funny, often shocking and certainly hilarious happenings at school.....ESPECIALLY, once they're over and in the past.

Fourth grade, after lunch and recess, we always had a 'quiet time.' Students could read, work on morning assignments for about 15 minutes. Lights could be off as we had an entire wall of windows (like the old classrooms). A darling, fun girl approaches my desk, pointing to her mouth and throat....making NO noise. I asked her had she swallowed something, choking? She nodded. I hurriedly took J-girl across the hall to the office. I needed adult support if we were going to do the Heimlich thing. J-girl finally started coughing, bent over a trash can, and spit up a quarter.....thank God. I ask J-girl, "You swallowed a QUARTER?" Yep. I shared with J-girl I teach 4th grade and not kindergarten for the very reason of not wanting to teach children that still put things in their mouths. J-girl was laughing, crying, shaking. I hugged her and was VERY thankful!

I saw corporal punishment administered one time. I was teaching 4th grade. My kids were at PE and Music. I was on my planning period (-30 minutes) heading back to my room to work. The principal pulled me into his office. He needed a witness. Innocent me, follows the principal into the office. He shuts the door and proceeds to tell me the young man (4th grader) standing before me had just set a fire in the crash can in his classroom. This young man was to get a swat. The young man bent over, grabbed his ankles and received a horribly swift, hard swat. It lifted him off the floor. Even though I knew this child was the school's main problem child.....watching this event was BAD! This child was identified Special Ed in all the categories we had available; gifted, learning disability, and behavior disordered. He had a horrible home life, no support, and rarely did anything he was suppose to. This was when I finally had to realize what we had to offer him was not what this kid needed. We weren't going to be able to 'fix' him or 'save' him. Not a good day!

7th graders and 8th graders are fun to just watch....especially on Valentine's Day. Flowers come to school, a boy gives the flowers to another boy who promptly gives them to a girl who hurriedly delivers them to the girl the first boy desires.

Every middle school dance I have had the 'pleasure' of helping sponsor continues to be one of the most excruciatingly painful things I do. Always, always, some time during the evening I find a group of girls in the bathroom crying. I have decided middle school dances are for the sole purpose of getting this occurrence over with prior to high school. It's going to happen, no way around it, and might as well get it over early.

I taught both of my children in middle school. I had G-girl in 7th grade and M-boy in 8th. It was fun having them and fortunately for me....both were excellent math students. Math was a strength for them. I knew most of the kids in the class prior to becoming their teacher...my kids' friends.

One day in 7th grade we were doing some quick review of fractions. I'd put a problem on the overhead. Each student was to work the problem on their individual slate chalkboards. Then I'd make a quick look around the room at the boards to check answers. I get to G-girl's chalkboard and it says, "I know where you live."

During M-boy's 8th grade year he and some of his buddies sat at the back of the room at a table of four. Mike's group was an easy class to teach. They had bought into the whole game of school. They got the work, did the work, and made A's. A lot of the time I could hear 'something' going on at M-boy's table, but it was almost always very quiet and I ignored it. One day M-boy jumps out of his seat, points to the kid next to him and says (LOUDLY), "Mom, give him a detention!" That broke the class up into laughs, but not near as much as it did when I walked to the board, wrote M-boy's name down for a warning.

I loved teaching my own kids. A lot of teacher/parents shy away from this, but I can say those two years were some of my best years. And I thank my kids for that.

I love teaching Sex-Ed. Our approach is primarily 'abstinence.' And I think that is very appropriate for 8th graders. I always start the unit off with a short discussion about maturity. I share we will have a good time with this, we'll laugh while we learn; but I WILL NOT tolerate immature giggling, side-jokes, etc. One year during one of our discussions some of my girls start the 'giggling.' I stop talking and did the 'stare' thing. Room got quiet, one boy (class clown) turns to the girls and proclaims, "Stop giggling, this is serious business, it's not funny and I'm here to learn!" Again the class got quiet and now we're ALL staring at the 'clown.' Very quietly, across the room, another young man adds, "Yep, I remember when we were in 6th grade, and I thought the word masturbation was funny." Once again the class is QUIET and we're all NOW staring at this young man. He looks up, like he just realized what he had said....and we ALL burst out laughing. Great moments!

Our Sex Ed unit primarily consists of some very basic genetics and then the growth and development of the unborn baby. The culminating event is watching a video of a baby being born. The kids call it "the film." And, honestly, it is a great video showing 'real-life' pictures of a fetus developing inside its mother. Only the last 30 seconds is the actual birth scene. But it is pretty intense for the kids. And after it's over.....talk about a QUIET room. What I do to 'break' the silence, I 'unborn the baby.' I rewind the video. The kids HOWL. FUN DAY!

I have found being the age of the students' grandmother rather than the age of mother is much easier. I've concluded kids are nicer to their 'grandmother' and often 'mother' gets the worst of teenagers' behavior.